Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
