just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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