White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
