Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
