You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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