So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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