This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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