pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
