I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
