Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
