The maid of honor just puked.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's the barista slut.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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