So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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