i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
