Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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