Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
