Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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