Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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