Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
