Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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