Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out