He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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