he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
