I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
