That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
