Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
