Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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