honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
