At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
