i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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