i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
