All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
