I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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