Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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