I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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