Where is the hickey?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
