i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
