alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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