I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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