the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
