I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
