New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
