We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
