Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
