I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
