and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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