Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
