when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You left your phone here
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