My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.