Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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