Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far