You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.