u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.