So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
