don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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