You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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