It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's