i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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