you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
