I want to stick my p in your. b.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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