At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
