she was so not down for the gang bang
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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