I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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