Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
