yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
