Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
