I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize