She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
