And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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