Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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