It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
