according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
