sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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