Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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