I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
