wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
