I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
