I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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