omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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