I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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