hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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