i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
