i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
