you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In America we eat man semen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
