i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
