If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
